closer

I'm pretty sure that we are getting close everyday. Dan closer itu beneran dalam arti sebenarnya loh. Secara jarak. Ntah kenapa posisi kita duduk sering kali agak deket kalo dibanding dulu. hahaha. Dan ntahlah. rasanya jadi begitu. susah banget ngejelasinnya. Dan rasanya badan g bergerak sendiri untuk mencari posisi terdekat. Walaupun si otak uda teriak-teriak, " HE DOESN'T SUIT YOU woiiii!" tetep aja badannya nakal.

G bahkan bermimpi beberapa hari lalu. A kiss. He kiss me. a quick and dry one. Sorry ko. i'm so stupid. :'(

A Letter to My Heart

Untuk hati kecilku..

Hey, kamu kenapa? What's wrong with you?
Kenapa hari ini kamu terus gugup waktu ada dia?
Apa kamu benar-benar.....
Ah, aku bahkan tidak berani menyebut kata itu.

Kamu tau kan?
Kamu sudah menjadi milik orang lain.
Yah.. memang tidak sepenuhnya milik orang itu. Tapi, kurasa kamu sudah cukup dewasa untuk tahu bahwa apa yang kamu rasakan itu salah. Sangat salah..

Aku ikut merasakannya.
Debaran yang tadi kamu rasakan saat dia duduk di sampingmu.
Atau "salah-tingkah"mu waktu dia meminta bantuanmu.
Belom lagi debaran-debaran saat dia berada dalam jarak yang sangat dekat denganmu.
Aku tahu.
dan aku ikut takut karenanya.

Tapi, kurasa aku tidak sepenuhnya dapat menyalahkanmu.
Dia aneh.
Begitulah rasanya belakangan ini.
Untuk hari ini saja sudah banyak sekali kejanggalan.
Kenapa begitu pulang, dia langsung ke sebelah kananmu? Bukan duduk di bangkunya dan bertanya ada apa. Kenapa harus menghampiri? Dulu dia selalu duduk, dan aku yang menghampiri untuk bertanya. Dia aneh..
Kenapa rasanya akhir-akhir ini dia semakin dekat? Menjabat tangan, duduk bersebelahan waktu makan, bukan berhadapan. Dia juga membagi minumannya denganku, dalam botol yang sama. Mungkin kedengarannya itu hal yang sangat biasa bukan? Tapi tidak untukku. It never happen before.. Ataukah aku yang terlalu berlebihan memikirkannya?
Kenapa dia memintaku membantunya memakaikan softlens di matanya? Kenapa tidak memakai kacamata seperti biasa dan memakai softlens di lapangan. Kenapa tidak mencuci tangannya berkali-kali. Memegang cabai agak terdengar seperti alasan yang dibuat. Ataukah ia memang telah menganggapku benar-benar temannya, maka ia memintaku membantunya?

Aku takut..
dan hari ini ketakutanku lebih besar dari kemarin.

Kumohon,
tolonglah kamu menjaga dirimu sebaik mungkin.
Karena sekarang, bukan cuma kita yang terlibat,
tapi akan ada orang lain yang ikut terluka seandainya kamu terlalu jauh berjalan.
Seseorang yang sangat mencintai dan menyayangimu.
Yang dapat kurasakan tulusnya saat ia mencium keningku.

Kumohon....
Jaga dirimu baik-baik.

Dengan seluruh pemikiranku,
logikamu.

I'm trying hard to keep my heart for you.
But please, hold me tight. Or i'll dissapear in a secobd before you realize.
I'm afraid, maybe i can fall again.
Love never enough without togetherness.

I love you boy. Really. A lot. Always have andlways will. But how can i resist not to love anyone who spend alot of time with me rather than you?

So please, hold me..
I'm afraid with my self.

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I miss him. a lot..

Dia sibuk, dan ak juga sibuk. Kita berdua sama-sama sibuk banget. Cuma gara2 sekali ga ketemu pas weekend, jadinya 2 minngu ga ketemu, dan berarti hampir setehngah bulan kita ga ketemu. :'(

Rasanya kangen..

Sekarang bahkan smsan sianga-siang aja dia uda ga sempet lagi. Ternyata rasanya ga enak ya. Baru ngerti posisi dia waktu itu pas ak ga sms dia siang-siang. ga enak...

Semoga weekend ini semuanya berjalan baik..

another missing you time

here i am. writing about how much i'm missing you. a lot. i wish our monday-dating will be great. i wish i'll be a good girl. i wish i can spend our time as long as possible!

padahal baru aja dia bilang, ''Kamu punya aku ya.'' trus barusan dia bilang, '' Cel, gimana kalo kita pause?'' I can't think anything..

i wish i could hate you.

Kamu mulai kedengeran kayak papaku. Apa karena aku bukan org kaya kayak km, ak ga boleh seneng2? Apa seneng2 cuma boleh buat kalian yang brada dan bisa gampang minta duit? Apa aku harus tterus-terus nunggu besok buat seneng karena aku ga punya uang banyak?

Kalo gitu yang kamu pikir, ga tau deh ko. Rasanya ak pengen banget ngomong, ''yaudahlah, kita ga bakal bisa lanjut..'' tapi ga bisa...

Aku kesel banget sama kamu sekarang, tapi begitu aku mikir km marah ke aku juga, rasanya ga enak. Sekarang malah lebih parah efekny. Akuu mual.. Hahaha.

Kamu kenapa ga bisa ngerti sih ko.? Aku juga mau koq susah. Kamu pikir enak tiap akhir semester mesti minta-minta uang kuliah ke orang lain? Kamu tw ga rasanya apa? Ga kan.. You' re lucky enough to be borned at wealthy (almost rich) family. But i'm not...

Kalo kamu baca ini, pasti km bakal bete. Bilang aku ngeluh, mikir negatif mulu, ga bisa mensyukuri, dan bla bla bla lainnya. Tpai ko, masa sih ak mw ke yogya aja ga boleh? Aku juga mau ko enak. Kamu tau ga sih, aku sering banget ngiri sama temen-temenku yang pk bb, pnya ipad, pulang kuliah bisa jalan-jalan sama temen, punya mobil, dll. Tapi ak bisa apa buat sekarang? Cuma bisa mensyukuri dan trus mikir kalo kedepannya nanti aku juga bisa kayak mereka.

untuk sayangku yang bodoh..untuk sayangku yang bodoh..

cuma untuk 2 malam 2 hari. Ga bolehkah? Padahal km pernah bilang mw nemenin aku nonton POTENZIO. Just ur words.. Silly me. Mungkin aku yang terlalu gede naro harapan ke kamu.

HEY! It's One Year!

Woooww... Akhirnya. :) 1 tahun sudah terlewati. Seneng banget rasanya.. :) ternyata waktu setahun itu cepet ya. Lewat gitu aja. Banyak yang uda terjadi, hal kecil maupun besar, dan sampai detik ini, aku masih sayang kamu. Bhakan mungkin semakin besar. Aku selalu cinta kamu sayang. Kemarin, hari ini, besok, dan seterusnya.. I love you

h - 4

kamu tau? Sebenernya aku cukup seedih pas tw jumat mem km ada briefing thesis. :'(

aku udah bayangin macem-macem. Mau pake dress ah, mw cantik. Nanti mampir ke lapiz dl aja. Beli muffin buat jadi kuenya, trus jgn lupa ambil lilin kecil dimarsi buat ntar di tiup bareng. Abiz yurakuan pgn nonton potenzio 'till drop trus kl msh mungkin pgn midnite. Pulang-pulang, uda cape bgt pasti, trus tidur sambil dipeluk kamu. Such a sweet and perfect night. :)

aku juga uda mikirin mau beli apa buat kamu. Dompet? Parfum? Cincin baru? Jaket couple..? Kamu mau yang mana..? I'll try had to make it there..

Trus pas beberapa hari lalu km bilang, kalo izinnya gt mnding ga usah deh. Kamu tw ga, ak yg ud ngebayangin macem-macem itu langsung berasa ditendang banget. Km kenapa ga bs ngerti sih..?

Trus bgtu km bilang yg soal thesis itu. Wow.. I'm speechless. Aku bisa ngomong apa lg? Km bukan org yang lbh mentingin pacaran drpd akademik. Iy kn? That's so you..

Am i just expecting too much?

Ga tw lagi deh jumat nanti jadi kayak apa? Que sera sera. Aku takut kalo bayanganku trlalu tinggi. :')

i just can't stop say this!

H-9

Can't wait for the next 9 days. I'll have my very special sleepover there. YEAY!!!!!!!

Can't wait to have you as the last thing that i see before i fall asleep..

Can't wait to have you to be the first one that i see when i'm awake..

CAN'T WAIT!!!

H - 1B

eighteen days before we can called it A YEAR. I want to buy u a new ring, make a delicious food, and make that day gonna be something special. :)

ANGRY!!

hei.. Hari ini aku bener-bener sedih tadi. Sampe-sampe ak minta ''itu''. Kamu tau? Jauh di pojok sana, hatiku berharap km bakal nolak mentah-mentah. Ak sayang banget sama kamu. Si bodoh ini. Tapi ak juga muak nangis..

Terima kasih buat ga ngiyain tadi. Terima kasih buat nagsihkesempatan ke aku ngerayain 1 tahunan kita. Dan maaf, ak bikin kamu sedih..

and you're not here when i need you the most. This stupid girl..

today is sunday

today is sunday. And of course, it's time to have weekly dating him. :) actually, i still feel tired after yesterday's party, but i wanna meet him much more, so i decided to go to Gading.

May be because of tiring yesterday, my mood not that good, i easy to get angry and feel so sensitive. I'm not in the mood to kiss or being like loveydovey as ussual. I cried without any worth reason. Sorry dear for being annoying..

You asked me, ''was there anything that had changed from me since we started dating till now?''. And when i answer it, i realize that you suddenly get on bad mood . You look so sad, and it made me feel that u need me to hug your back. And when i looked at ur face, u wipe something from your eyes. Tears? Maybe.. But i guess yes. Sorry boy, for being such an annoying girlfriend today.

In the end, it's always me who ruin all the mood, rightt? Sorry..

happy 10 months anniversary

happy 10 months to both of us..

Hey my baby boy, miss you. Huff.. I was watching that film when i saw the girl sleeping next to her boyfie, and that boy kiss the girl's forehead. Ewww.. I envy them a little. I want you to be here, everyday, every morning, every night. Be the one that open my day and close it. Be the one that kiss me when i start my day..

2 months before a year, and couple years beforre forever.. Can't stand to wait.

*hug*

i love you, ''koko''. ;)

''i'm dying and i can't live without you again..'' Five 4 Fighting

apologize

sayangku,
maaf ya buat semua hal buruk yang sudah lakukan,
maaf buat pulsa yang kamu buang demi telpon aku tiap malem trus ak malah matiin telponnya,
maaf ak selalu ogah-ogahan cenderung ke bete kalo kamu telponn,
maaf ak bikin kamu susah dapet parkir tiap kamu abiz nganterin aku pulang,
maaf aku suka ngajakin madol kerja bukannya nge push kamu,
maaf ak agak ngabisin duit kamu kalo kita ketemu,
maaf kalo aku sering becanda kasar pake mukul-mukul kamu,
maaf kalo ak ga mw ngbersihin kamar kamu,
maaf kalo aku bukan cewe terbaik yang bisa kamu miliki,
maaf sayang..

Aku minta maaf untuk semuanya,

percaya ya sayang,
biarpun aku ga sebaik cewe lain, ga secantik dan semanis cewe lain,
tapi sayang aku ke kamu ga akan lebih besar dari sayang cewe manapun ke kamu (kecuali si tante)

sayang, aku cinta kamu,
kemarin,hari ini, besok, dan seterusnya.

Aku sering bilang kan, selamanya itu ga ada,
sekarang aku tarik kata-kataku,
buat aku, selamanya itu kamu.

Jangan marah ya sayang.

xxx

after watching romantic drama that i bought today, i started to feel so blue. Especially when i saw the actor kiss the actress. Hoaaaaa... I miss my boyfie a lot and wondering if he can kiss me softly as gentle as it by NOW!

I miss him..

And to be honest, i never understand, why did he never treat me gently?
Sering banget.. G cuma pengen baringan, dipeluk sama dia, tanpa ada tangan2 nakal, tanpa ad lidah yg ngjalar kemana-mana. Pengeeenn banget. Apalagi belakangan ini, waktu tiap hari rasanya padat plus super capek, g berharap bisa ngistirahatin hati dan badan g di hari minggu. Cuma pengen dipeluk, disayang, dan ngerasa dijagain.

Sesusah itukah memperlakukan g kayak gitu? Cm dengan pelukan dan sesekali ciuman lembut.

Susah ya ko?

They say if a man loves a women, they'll do EVERYthing as long as possible. But i don't think you'll be the same like them. It's you, my only one best boy, that won't do EVERYthing for me. You never do anything that will risk your self. When i ask you about this, you said, "If it can be easier, why we need to make it difficult?". I asked my self lately, did you love me that much? If that so, why do i always feel that i'm the one that always run to you..? i envy Nicola, or Sonia, or others girl that have a lot attention from their boyfie. I know.. this kinda another egoism from me. But hey! I'm just an ordinary girl dat love to have all of ur attention.. "Papi" went to Safari just to buy a penguin dolls to Dekil, and a week later, he went to safari once again just to buy a couple of keychain. Safari - Mangga Besar. Jakarta Pusat - Cisarua. Safari isn't a place that you'll go just to buy a keychain, right? i'll know you'll never be like them.

If i ask you to be here, right now, would you come?

I don't know boy what i want. idk.. Just want you fully for me

I want you here with me, beside me, hug me, kiss my forehead, ang hold me tightly..

i love to sleep with your heart beat next to my ear and have your arms around me and hug me tightly. I love that moments. And hopes for the time to move slowly.

Why does it seem time goes faster everytime u were beside me?

Hey boy.. I miss you.

I'm just a little bit tired now, with all of the routine, with my life, and with everything that seem mess up with my day. Please.. Just understand and keep hold me tight. I need you to be here..

For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.






xxx

i just miss you too much

heyy stupid one!
Don't you understand how badly i need u?
Called me a bitch, and i still don't care, as long i can spend a night with you by my side, hug me tight, and i can feel you heartbeat on your chest, i believe that everything ok..
I miss you boy
miss you now

and really need you to hug me tight,
right here, right now,
kiss my forehead,
and say that everything gonna be okay..

But what you do??
U said it isn't a good thing for a girl to have a sleepover with a boy.
Don't you know that i'm just missing you that much, i belive in you with my everyheart, and love you always here?

:)

HAPPY 8th MONTHS of US

ILU

xxx

have a slightly meeting with you, just made me miss you much more than before. :(

...

Have I TOLD you lately
that
I LOVE YOU
?















imu

I do love you

i do love you.
Trust me please..

I hate you this much.
but i love you much more..

Do you know, you hurt me at every touch that you do?
Do you know that i don't care if u hurt me that much just to keep u right here beside me?
Do you know that begging you to go will make my tears run dry?
Do you know that it's hurt just to think living without you?
Do you know that i love your sweet kisses and warm hug everytime we cuddled?
Do you know that i never love and be loved someone this much?
Do you know that i never get the picture of my live without you at the future?
Do you realize how much i love you..?

Please boy..
Please.
Love me and i beg you to be careful with my heart..

I love you

6 months of US

Yesterday
is the day
that you and me
being "Us"



Happy 6th Months Anniversary boy..



Love you still
and Love you always

xxx

Sayang banget ga bisa ketemu kamu kemarin, did you know how badly i miss you? miss all of you. Your voices, your touch, your hug, your kiss, everything about you. Kamu tau, rasanya aku kangen banget sama kamu kemarin sampe-sampe aku kesel, dan ga pengen kamu sama sekali pada saat yang bersamaan. dan kamu tau, itu semua bikin aku males buat ketemu kamu hari minggu nanti, aku takut bakal ngambek, atau apalah yang malah bikin kita berantem, dll.. sorry boy, for being this selfish. I just too deep in love with you, and it made everymoment being with you feels like a glass that so fragile. Kamu tau? kadang aku takut kalo ntah suatu saat kamu uda ga ada lagi buat kamu, aku takut kalo ternyata kamu bukan orang yang d kasih Tuhan buat aku. Aku takut kamu pergi. :'(

I miss you

xxx

kangen

hey.. It's been 2 weeks, and now i miss u badly. Super badly.. Kangen banget meluk km, kangen dicium kamu juga. :'( Hati minggu itu rasanya masih lamaaaaaa banget. Huff.. Kamu cepetan kesini ya sayang. Aku mank ga pernah ngomong, tp sejujurnya, aku kangen semua hal tentang kamu. Pelukanmu, genggamanmu, dan pastinya ciumanmu. Miss u boy.

xxx