Saturday, December 29, 2012

Am i worth?

There are times, when i asked to my self, a lot of times, and those question surrounding in my head. Like a thousamd times..

am i worth to fighting for?

i really don't know. All of these times, i'd been in love a lot times and beloved in return sometimes. But, got someone that love you, didn't mean he will fight for you. Got it?

I don't know how should a girl be in a man's priority, but i swear, i know that i'm not in your top three for daily life. hahaha.

a year ago, someone's made me feels like i'm on never-ending chasing games. I always be the one who try to understand. i try to understand when he didn't  pick me up. and i need to umderstand too that i must go home before it's getting late or he would get problem to park his car. I understand, when i need to befriend with his friend, laughing, and pretending i'm okay. I understand when i need to wait a week before we met. And i understand that he will never come to me when i need him the most because he got tired after those worktimes. and in the end, i gave up. I let my heart free, because you're not there to hold me.

And finally,  i think i found someone whose completely made me feel those sparkle feeling again. At the first three months, everything seems so perfect. hahaha. but i think, perfect have the same description with forever, it never exist. I know those risk, to have someone's very busy like you. And i understand. really.. I umderstand those times. But now, there's some quetion that pop one by one in my head? Why you got piss off when i don't want to meet ypur sister?  Why you never had a chitchat with my parents? My mom keep aasking me why you never come to my home, why you never talk ro her, Isn't it nessecary to have her permission before bring her daughter travel around? One times, i asked you, and you said if i already asked them (my parents) so you didn't need to do that. You are the one that told me that sometimes basa-basi is important. Are you still thinking so? My mom keep teeling me to tell you about this thing, but i don't know how. How can i tell you without ruin your mood? is there anyway?

One night on my way home, i realize one thing, you never accompanied me home again like those times. Did you get it by "those times"? And i don't want you to carry me home too.

My next year resolution is being more taft. I'm tired with this sentimebtal.feelings. If there's no one think that i'm worth  to fight for, so i need to fight for my self, don't you think so?

btw, i gave up with one of my dream. I buried it deep down in my head. So when the times never comes,  i won't get dissappoint. hehe :')

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