Imaginary Wedding

Tau ga apa yang kadang gw lakuin di waktu males kerja?
Buka pinterest, liat konsep pernikahan bule-bule yang minimalis tapi cantik dan instagramable.
Atau gugling baju apa yang nanti gw pake.
Atau kayak sekarang, minta pricelist dari vendor undangan dan souvenir. (love this one!)
kalo ada waktu yang lebih panjang, mungkin sekalian test food. :')

This should be "that"time of my life, right?
Antara masih ingin dan tidak ingin lagi.
Antara masih berharap dan terus berjalan.

i need time and space

I don't know where to start, but this is sucks.
Since a little girl, i always dreaming about my own prince charming, who will love and cherish me with all his heart.
But reality is a cruel one.
i found someone that i think will be the love of my life, and be someone who will treasure me.
OH WELL! He treasure me as his valuable staff.

i need someone to share my story of the day,
someone to pat my head when i had a messy day,
someone who will hug me tight without any reason,
someone who will be there.

Not someone who takes his job above everything,
treat his client nicely and treat me like a whore staff.
Someone who will get mad at me when i take my days off on busy days.
Someone who never pay a visit to my mom, even in 3 HOLIdays: xmas, chinese new year, mom's birthday.
Someone who only show his face when my father died.
Someone who may be will meet my other family, where there are another funeral.
Someone who think little of everything i did.
Someone who can't understand what makes me happy
Someone who said everything i done for him, he never ask
Someone who don't love me

Queens said, too much love will kill you
Well, it won't kill me,
but slowly but sure, it kill the love that i ever had.
It turn love into hate
happiness into sadness
Tears of joy into tears of pain
Securities to insecurities.

I wish for a hug
And a long kiss

From you who i love from my deepest heart.

Harapanku

Untuk sebuah dekapan hangat dan erat
Untuk tepukan ringan di bahuku
Untuk belaian lembut di kepalaku

Untuk bahu yang mampu menahan beban resahku
Untuk tangan yang menghapus air mafaku
Untuk kaki yang membawaku ke tempat indah

Untuk seseorang
Yang ada disini namun tak terasa ada
Yang berada di tempat terdekat namun begitu jauh
Yang menggengam hatiku dan menyayatnya dengan senyuman

I wish i can hate you right know. But guess what, because i love you that much, my heart is breaking this bad and the pain just lingering in my chest. Slowly, i know my heart is dying.

Suicidal thought

There are days when i feel i'm nothing.
And the world will keep moving alone when i'm gone .
Maybe 1 or 2 or 3 person will cry. But life will go on.

There are days when i feel so sick with my self. All i want to do just sleeping and never wake up. Leave anything behind.

There are days when i'm such a coward. And don't have enough courage to face my problem. I keep running and running to hide.

There are days when i feel, if you hate me so much, will you hate me too if i die today.

Today is one of that day.
One of my worst day.
I can't keep my mind clear and all i want to do is sleeping for the end of my time.

What can i do?

To make you love me.
To love you more.
To be with you forever.
To wake up right beside you.
To be the last person that you see at the end of day